We've had our initial free call, sorted out the details and now our first session is here. Whether you're new to counselling or have been down this road before, meeting a new counsellor can feel a bit odd. Let’s be honest: sitting in a room with someone you don't know to discuss deeply personal matters is an unusual scenario for most of us. I wrote this post in hopes of easing some of your uncertainties and potential worries you might have.
Before We meet
Before we meet you might find that you’re feeling anxious, excited, apprehensive or something else entirely. Whatever you’re feeling as you get closer to our first session is completely normal and will have been felt by many others who have been in the same situation before you.
A helpful way to prepare before we meet is to just notice what you’re feeling. Try to stop yourself from labelling you’re feelings as good or bad, instead just let them be and notice how they feel – where you feel them and try staying curious. Lots of us aren’t too good at this without practice, so its ok if you struggle, you could share what this was like for you when we meet.
Another thing you might like to do before our session is spend some time thinking about what you'd like to work on. You don’t need a detailed plan; sometimes it's not clear right away what the main issue is, we can clarify the problem and your goals together.
What is the first session for?
Our first session is all about us getting to know each other better, this might be as an informal chat where you ask me a few questions about what to expect. You might not have a clear idea of what you want to work on, instead you might have lots of different things going on that have gotten all tangled up like a big messy ball of string. We can use our time beginning to untangle this together.
For counselling to work we need to create a strong trusting relationship, not all in this session but in this meeting we’ll be laying the foundations for our relationship to grow upon. If we don’t gel and you don’t feel comfortable talking to me, its not going to be helpful for you. Its ok if you don’t feel like this right away, if you’ve had bad experiences in the past it might take a little time for us to get there. Its also worth acknowledging that not every counsellor is the right counsellor and whether its our first session or our 100th, you’re in charge of deciding when to end.
During this session you might want to share in more detail what has brought you to counselling or what you’re hoping to gain from coming. If you’ve had counselling before it can be helpful talk about what you liked or didn’t like about your previous experience. Maybe your counsellor did something each week that created a ritual you’d like to include in what we do, or maybe you would have like them to have done something differently. This can all help to inform how we will work together for you to feel safe and cared for.
Different ways people use the first session
The list is almost infinite as everyone will come wanting to work on different things and in different ways. Here are some of the most common ways people have used the first session with me. This list is not based on specific clients, just common themes I have noticed:
Planning – This is a casual chat with very few emotions, it stays quite surface level and feels a bit like planning a project. You might come with very specific ideas about what you want to work on and how quickly you’d like to achieve this. During the session we might come up with a clear goal or timeline you’d like to aim for.
Its important for you to know that counselling is unlikely to stick to a strict guideline unless you’re working on something very specific. Often once we get started things you hadn’t expected can pop up and might need addressing before you can move on to the next step of your plan.
Certainty seeking – You might not have had counselling before and have lots of questions about how it works. Perhaps you want to know how I’m going to fix you and how long it will take, or maybe you just have a lot of questions because it all feels undefined and confusing. We can talk about what your worries or concerns are that have you seeking certainty, but its important that you know I can’t fix you. Counselling is a space for you to grow within, like the cocoon for the butterfly. The cocoon creates the right environment but the caterpillar has to rebuild itself inside this.
Flooding – You’ve been holding everything in for a long time, you’ve felt pressure building up inside, like the walls of a dam. You’ve been desperate to let the metaphorical water flow and you finally have the time and space to open the flood gates. This is totally normal and you aren’t the first person to do it. I will manage our time and the space to enable you to do this safely and I’ll help you reconnect to your calm before the session ends. Sometimes after a session like this shame can set in, this is also completely normal. Please know, I haven’t judged you and you didn’t do anything wrong. I know how strong you’ve been to hold on so long.
Stumped – You’ve been wanting help for ages, but now its here you’ve lost your voice. You don’t know what to talk about and can’t remember why you came. Its ok! If you get stuck, I can help get you unstuck. Sometimes starting off just talking about your morning, or what you had for dinner last night can help get things going. Theres no rush, we aren’t going to change the world in one session. Maybe email counselling could be more your style than online sessions or in-person. You’ll get the time to think and process at your own pace without a time limit.
Forced – Someone who cares about you has pressured you into coming, but you don’t want to be here and you don’t see the point. Disclaimer: I don’t work with anyone who is forced to come to therapy, for both our sakes. If you don’t want to be here, its simply not going to work. You’re not going to want to open up to me and why should you? Counselling isn’t for everyone or every time, maybe you’re not ready or don’t think you have a problem to solve. But if you find yourself ready in the future or even just a little curious, then you’re always welcome to get in touch for a free 15 minute call, or we can take it slowly booking one session at a time to give you time to make an informed decision.
The Takeaway
There will be a few house keeping things for us to go through in the first session, but ultimately this session is for you and I to get to know each other better and start developing our relationship. There is no right or wrong way to be in counselling and we’ll adapt each meeting around what you need in the moment. We’re meeting to support you, so you will lead the way and I will be beside you providing opportunities to stop and notice points of interest along the way. So if you’re ready to take the next step get in touch and we’ll arrange a free short call to talk about how I can help.